Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
