the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
