Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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