This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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