take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
