im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
