his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
