Screwed.edu
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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