It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
