There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
