So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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