Sponge bath it is.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
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Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
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First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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