Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
But theres a keg here and me gusta
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
