Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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