Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
