Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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