if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
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WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
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do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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