I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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