so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
