So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
