dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I touched a dick in church today
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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