someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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