OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
