good thing vaginas are great cup holders
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
