Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
