So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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