am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
