i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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