evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
