Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
