i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
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I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
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He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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