I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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