apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
