absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
