We're like a lot better than the average bears
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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