That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
