I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
