Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
