In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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