I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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