Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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