Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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