if only i could text you this smell
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
