North Korea, Best Korea!
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
