Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
