He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
