Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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