Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
