omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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