Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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