I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
