That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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