I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
