Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
