why didn't you poke me back
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
