The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
