my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
