can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
