Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
