My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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