Having a random hookup so left but love u
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
