I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
