my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
