Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
