i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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