sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
