New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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