My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
