And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
