You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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